From the desk of: Robert

How Garish!

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From the desk of: Robert

Dance Like You Want To Break Your Penis

“Daggering” is slang for dance moves simulating sexual intercourse, some of which include excitable gymnast-like moves, writes Donna Hope Marquis, a lecturer in reggae studies at the University of the West Indies, Mona, in Kingston Jamaica, in an e-mail to NEWSWEEK. [...]

Jamaican doctors assert that those trying to replicate the powerful moves of daggering in the bedroom can end up with dramatic injuries: they say the incidents of broken penises have increased in the past year; according to an article in the Jamaican Star, some clinics are seeing two a month. [...]

Full Article at NEWSWEEK.com

From the desk of: Robert

A Complete Video History of My Dating Life

The Cooper’s Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake is an annual event held on the Spring Bank Holiday at Cooper’s Hill,[1], near Cheltenham and Gloucester in the Cotswolds region of England.[2] It is traditionally by and for the people of Brockworth - the local village, but now people from over the world take part. The event takes its name from the hill on which it occurs.

From the top of the hill a round of Double Gloucester cheese is rolled, and competitors race down the hill after it. The first person over the finish line at the bottom of the hill wins the cheese. In theory, competitors are aiming to catch the cheese, but since it has a one second head start and can reach speeds up to 70mph (112 km/h), enough to knock over and injure a spectator, this rarely occurs.

From Wikipedia (Via The Inquistr and The Big Picture)

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From the desk of: Robert

Howl Sweet It Is.

41glbyfzngl_ss500_1I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God.

Amazon Customer Reviews for Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

Sales of this shirt have increased by 2300% since internet humorists began competing for who could write the funniest review.  The Tuscan Whole Milk link is pretty boss, too.

From the desk of: Robert

In This Post We Are Mean Funny.

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In this photo, Kelly Clarkson looks like all of our ex-girlfriends… fat.  The reaction is a similar, “What happened?!”

Don’t take it too hard, Kel.  We’ll still call when we’re drunk and feeling alone.

(This post was probably better at Go Fug Yourself. They are always better.)

From the desk of: Robert

Sarcastigate at The Movies: The Girlfriend Experience

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Soderbergh > Soderbergh

Economy Allegory > Economy Apathy

Freedom Tickler > The Moldy Peaches

Grey > Blue

Rating: 9.2/10

From the desk of: Robert

Diesel Shoes Comment Card

sideb0001sm1Full Text/Card at The Consumerist

From the desk of: Robert

Sarcastigate At The Movies: Vicky Cristina Barcelona

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The grass over there > The grass right here.

The Direction (AMAZING.) > The Narration (AWFUL.)

Idealism > Materialism…. or is it?

Vickys’ > Cristinas’ (as a general rule.)

Javier Bardem >>>>>

Real Life < The Inherent Honesty of Every Character in This.

Rating: 8.9/10

From the desk of: Robert

Dawes Covers It A-Okay

I’ve recently been listening to a lot of Dawes.  You should be, too.  You know how much I love covers and this band?  When A Continuous Lean posted this video earlier today …. I knew I had to pass it along.

Wonder Years Troubadour from Evan Romoff on Vimeo.

From the desk of: Robert

Concert Regurge: Franz Ferdinand

Yeah, we go to some shows.  No, we don’t often feel the need to write about them.  Why, then, this time?  It just seems right.  That’s all.

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Franz Ferdinand drew in a near-capacity crowd to First Avenue on a dreary spring day.  My excitement was actually more piqued for the opener, Born Ruffians, than for the headliners — but no mind — Franz has always lived in my mind as a band that could bring a live-show worth shelling out a few duckets for.  My whiskey-stunk hands gladly handed the girl $30 and I was in.  Hello….   uhh…. hello, who?  Who were these people?

My first reaction was that every square within 100 miles decided it was a big night out in Minneapolis.  (Side-note… upon reflection I realize that I think of geeky guys as “squares” and geeky girls as “adorable.”  May help explain my reaction….)  The vibe?  The girl in the ’ship had been nagging that they “never do anything fun and/or cool” and this hopeless schlub decides that Franz Ferdinand would be the perfect show to impress his slumdog girlfriend by VISA’ing some surprise tickets.  They all had on their finest plaid and their freshest kicks.  Was I annoyed?  No.  My car had broken down on the way and I was just happy to be there.  Plus…  I was with good company and my eyes were slightly dull with Jim Beam.

The Born Ruffians were just as skinny and awkward and fantastic as I imagined.  The leads voice seemed significantly less whiny than on CD (which for some reason really dissapointed me) but they had good energy and I loved the idea of the bassplayer ending up with some 4th string groupie at the end of the night.  (Note to self: learn bass.)

I planted myself towards the front of the stage, my big tall head obscuring tons of sightlines and proceeded to watch FF set up.  The screen never came down which led to this conversation:

Me, Drunk and Loudly, With Incredible Amounts of Observation Intelligence: Hmm… I’ve never seen the screen not come down between acts… is this normal?

Girl, 19, sober as a church mouse: What?!  I’ve NEVER seen it come down between acts!

Girls Boy, 20, Abercrombie Beclothed: Yeah, dude… check your facts.  Screen stays up at this place.

MDLWIAOI: How many shows have you two been to here at First Avenue?

G1SACM: umm… like… 5

GB2AB: 3.

MDLWIAOI: Oh… go drown in a pool of your grandmas blood.  I’ve been here at least 200 times.  At least.

The point?  I was right.  These fools… wrong.  And because of that, I wouldn’t feel bad dancing my fat-ass all over their toes once the band came on.

And I did.  And it was great.  And unlike the eponymous Franz Ferdinand, this one didn’t strike me as the 1-Shot group I had expected.  They played a number of great songs, then Take Me Out and then another one… I have no idea of the names but the whole crowd went nuts, the band rocked out, and I felt the PASSION in that room.  Then they decided to slow it down… and I left.  They should have finished with the hit single, the next bonkers single and then walked off stage.  It would have been brilliant.  I would have left drunk, happy and satisfied that I got my $30 worth.   Oh wait… I did.

Completely meaningless score with no baseline or relativity: 9/B

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