From the desk of: Stuart

Stuart Explains Television: Kota, the Triceratops

What the fuck. I thought the Japanese had cornered the market on completely worthless toys. I will now list my complaints with this toy.

1) It’s a robotic rocking horse – THAT DOESN’T ROCK. Your kids are better off with a saddle stapled to a sawhorse.
2) I give any child about 30 minutes to completely destroy this (see points 3, 4, & 5 for reasons it should be destroyed).
3) It gets all happy when you pet it’s face. Have we learned nothing from Jurassic Park? Humanizing animals of any sort makes them fearless against their human masters. I believe this goes for dinosaurs as well.

4) In addition to my last point, I feel the need to stress how children should not be used to treating robotic toys as anything other than future menaces to society and humankind. Robots, although they may someday rule all of humanity, are not yet our evil metallic overlords and we should be doing everything we can to stave off that day. After Skynet takes over, I would rather be blown to bits by a sexy T-X than gnawed to pieces by Kota the triceratops.
5) Is he humping the triceratops? I guess this is the equivalent of a RealDoll for toddlers.
6) At $299, you might as well let an Xbox raise your children. Let’s face it, if you were considering buying your kids a Kota, an Xbox will be doing a better parenting job anyway.

Abby the Atheist has some remarks about Kota as well.