May 10th, 2007

National Drinking and Biking Month

Even though Stu created a nifty little post commemorating National Bicycle Month — I figure today is a good opportunity for me to follow it up. I propose that we start a petition to turn National Bicycle Month into National Drinking and Biking Month. Your apptitude in drinking and biking is absolutely essential to your level of Aural Fitness. (So essential that this site almost became drinkingandbicycles.com) Click this little play button and enjoy this posts soundtrack.SNFU – Drunk on a Bike

I am a regular drinker, frequent drunk, often times bicyclist, and over all just a small-town badass. I regularly pedal a purple bike to my local taverns (picture above). I have a drinking and biking enthusiasts group that holds nightly meetings in my garage. We do what I assume every other like-minded group does — wrench, drink, pedal, shit-talk, and misbehave. Merry times are had all around.

Last night was like many other in my life. Got some work done and decided it was time for a dozen or so cocktails.

My small town mentality works out for the best most times, but occasionally it bites me in the ass. I’ve never locked up a bicycle outside of the bar. It’s somehow against the rules of tavern courtesy to fuck with another mans wheels. With my deep faith in the human race I give my co-drinkers the benefit of the doubt in these social situations.

Only once has failing to lock my bike up caused a problem — and it wasn’t really the bike I was pedaling — it was one I had allowed a friend to borrow. We came out of the bar to find the bike hanging about 12 feet off the ground in a very dangle-esque predicament. It took us a few minutes to figure out how to remove it, but we were successful and the savages perpetuated their failure.

Last night, however, was a different story. My bicycle and my codrinkers bike were stolen. By two girls. They were brazen thieves — we were sitting in the bar window, very close to where our bikes were parked. Fate intervened. They made it less than two blocks before either they were both hit by a car, two cars, hit a parked car, or a similar combination. The police returned our bikes to their location without a scratch on them. The girls; drinking and ambulance riding enthusiasts, apparently.

I have many friends that have walked the fine line between drinking and biking || drinking and ambulance riding. I personally have never had a serious injury — but it is the reality of participating in such a hobby. Our very own Stu has broken his collar bone. His twin brother, a broken foot sustained. How my friend Jamie did not break every bone in her body one night is a mystery (I think she hit every parked car we encountered on a mile long residential route.) She faired well with many bruises and abrasions.

The moral of this tale? Don’t steal bicycles. Especially not mine. And enjoy these songs. They’re not meant to be comprehensive, but they are all good tracks. They are diverse. Really diverse.

Tomorrow – My White Bicycle
Deerhoof – Midnight Bicycle Mistery
David-Ivar Herman Dune – My Brand New Bike
Ox – Stolen Bicycle
Black Mountain – Bicycle Man
cLOUDDEAD – Physics of a Bicycle
Madness – Riding on my Bike
Be Your Own Pet – Bicycle Bicycle, You Are My Bicycle
The Hentchmen – Thief on a Bicycle
Beach Boys – Bicycle Rider
Lightning Bolt – Bizarrrro Bike
Lisa Germano – Riding My Bike
Upsilon Acrux – Bicycle Race
Ghoti Hook – My Bike

Update: It’s been two days and reports have it that one of the drinking/bike stealing/ambulance riding enthusiasts is still in the hospital with a head injury.  Do I feel bad?  Not really.  Your opinions count — go ahead and register.  Tell me what an asshole I am.  It’s ok.  I can deal.