A Russian chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers to cure the smoking and beer-drinking habits he has picked up, a popular daily reported on Friday. [...]

“The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,” the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said.

Link (via New Shelton Wet/Dry)

Some of you may know that I like Townes Van Zandt a lot, but some of you may not know that he also lived in Crested Butte for a while, which is why is is especially over-represented in this mix.

Careful, this mix is over-countrified.  It fits when half of a town’s population is made up of transient Texans.

 Oh yes, it was glorious:

I am practicing my bad-assedness.

Reverend Horton Heat – Big Sky
Reverend Horton Heat – Baddest Of The Bad
Townes Van Zandt – My Proud Mountains
BR-549 – 18 Wheels and a Crowbar
Lyle Lovitt – If I Had A Boat
Wilco – A Shot In The Arm
Slim Cessna’s Auto Club – This Is How We Do Things In The Country
Counting Crows – Omaha
Robert Earl Keen, Jr. – Shades Of Gray
Calexico – Sunken Waltz
Wilco – Impossible Germany
Steve Earle – The Gringo’s Tale
Willie Nelson – I Gotta Get Drunk
Willie Nelson – Whiskey River
Townes Van Zandt – Where I Lead Me
Rufus Wainwright – The Maker Makes
Iron and Wine – An Angry Blade
Cat Stevens – Peace Train
Alison Krauss – The Boy Who Wouldn’t Hoe Corn
Alabama – Rollin On
Lyle Lovett – Moon On My Shoulder
Wilco – Nothing’severgonnastandinmyway (Again)
Nick Drake – Time Has Told Me
Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris – All The Roadrunning
Robert Earl Keen, Jr. – Rollin’ By
Steve Earle – Mystery Train Part II
Luke Hawley – Grape Jelly
Emmylou Harris – Luxury Liner
Ryan Adams – New-York New-York
Bob Dylan – Thunder On The Mountain
George Jones and Tammy Wynette – Milwaukee Here I Come
Willie Nelson – Time Of The Preacher Theme
Willie Nelson – Just As I Am
Willie Nelson – Denver
Iron and Wine and Calexico – He Lays in the Reins
Robert Earl Keen, Jr. – The Road Goes on Forever
Townes Van Zandt – Nothin’
Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash – Highway Man
Robert Earl Keen, Jr. – Merry Christmas from the Family
Townes Van Zandt – Pancho And Lefty
16 Horsepower – Strong Man
Tracy Chapman – Fast Car
Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’
The Reverend Horton Heat – Bales Of Cocaine
Joaquin Phoenix – Cocaine Blues
Waylon Jennings – Lonesome On’ry & Mean
Elton John – My Father’s Gun
Calexico – Smash
Johnny Cash – San Quintin
Townes Van Zandt – Black Crow Blues
Hank Williams – Ramblin’ Man
Wilco – Sky Blue Sky
Johnny Cash – Big River
Townes Van Zandt – Colorado Girl
Gavin DeGraw – Chariot
Slim Cessna’s Auto Club – Pine Box
16 Horsepower – I Seen What I Saw
Wilco – Walken
Bonnie Raitt – Hear Me Lord
Nick Drake – Road
Cat Stevens – If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out
Joaquin Phoenix & Reese Witherspoon – Jackson
Wilco – Via Chicago
Bob Dylan – Girl From The North Country (With Johnny Cash)
Lyle Lovett – Good-Bye To Carolina
Merle Haggard & Willie Nelson – Pancho & Lefty
Townes Van Zandt – Tecumseh Valley
Calexico – Frontera
Guster – Jesus on the Radio
The Waifs – When I Die
Jefferson Airplane – Embryonic Journey
Ben Folds – Landed
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – American Girl
Nick Drake – Three Hours
Counting Crows – Rain King
Iron and Wine – Upward Over The Mountain
Johnny Cash – Jackson
Ryan Adams – Come Pick Me Up
Willie Nelson – Bonaparte’s Retreat

…and they danced with their smiles on their faces.

Special thanks to Joe, who made the original "Joe’s Truckin’ Mix," of which this compilation is built on.

I have purposely left out a ton of tracks – hopefully I will get around to posting them at some point*
**Hopefully there will be a follow-up with a more serious mix of road-tripping songs**
***Stay tuned for the Chronology of See That My Grave Is Kept Clean later this week, as well as a new "Seven Steps!"***

Also, there may be a prize if anyone can guess [ EDIT ] *5*of the 25 songs my girlfriend made me include!  Leave it in the comments section with your email address.  I will pick the winner by Tuesday of next week, July 3rd.  Rob is also a contestant.

UPDATE: The prize I have decided to give is Regard The End by the Willard Grant Conspiracy.  Even if you don’t like them, you should definitely jump on this, because it costs about $25 to buy new, as it is pretty much only sold in Europe, where it retails for 15 Euros.  DAMN I’m generous.

Do it.  Do it.  Do it.

Even though Stu created a nifty little post commemorating National Bicycle Month — I figure today is a good opportunity for me to follow it up. I propose that we start a petition to turn National Bicycle Month into National Drinking and Biking Month. Your apptitude in drinking and biking is absolutely essential to your level of Aural Fitness. (So essential that this site almost became drinkingandbicycles.com) Click this little play button and enjoy this posts soundtrack.SNFU – Drunk on a Bike

I am a regular drinker, frequent drunk, often times bicyclist, and over all just a small-town badass. I regularly pedal a purple bike to my local taverns (picture above). I have a drinking and biking enthusiasts group that holds nightly meetings in my garage. We do what I assume every other like-minded group does — wrench, drink, pedal, shit-talk, and misbehave. Merry times are had all around.

Last night was like many other in my life. Got some work done and decided it was time for a dozen or so cocktails.

My small town mentality works out for the best most times, but occasionally it bites me in the ass. I’ve never locked up a bicycle outside of the bar. It’s somehow against the rules of tavern courtesy to fuck with another mans wheels. With my deep faith in the human race I give my co-drinkers the benefit of the doubt in these social situations.

Only once has failing to lock my bike up caused a problem — and it wasn’t really the bike I was pedaling — it was one I had allowed a friend to borrow. We came out of the bar to find the bike hanging about 12 feet off the ground in a very dangle-esque predicament. It took us a few minutes to figure out how to remove it, but we were successful and the savages perpetuated their failure.

Last night, however, was a different story. My bicycle and my codrinkers bike were stolen. By two girls. They were brazen thieves — we were sitting in the bar window, very close to where our bikes were parked. Fate intervened. They made it less than two blocks before either they were both hit by a car, two cars, hit a parked car, or a similar combination. The police returned our bikes to their location without a scratch on them. The girls; drinking and ambulance riding enthusiasts, apparently.

I have many friends that have walked the fine line between drinking and biking || drinking and ambulance riding. I personally have never had a serious injury — but it is the reality of participating in such a hobby. Our very own Stu has broken his collar bone. His twin brother, a broken foot sustained. How my friend Jamie did not break every bone in her body one night is a mystery (I think she hit every parked car we encountered on a mile long residential route.) She faired well with many bruises and abrasions.

The moral of this tale? Don’t steal bicycles. Especially not mine. And enjoy these songs. They’re not meant to be comprehensive, but they are all good tracks. They are diverse. Really diverse.

Tomorrow – My White Bicycle
Deerhoof – Midnight Bicycle Mistery
David-Ivar Herman Dune – My Brand New Bike
Ox – Stolen Bicycle
Black Mountain – Bicycle Man
cLOUDDEAD – Physics of a Bicycle
Madness – Riding on my Bike
Be Your Own Pet – Bicycle Bicycle, You Are My Bicycle
The Hentchmen – Thief on a Bicycle
Beach Boys – Bicycle Rider
Lightning Bolt – Bizarrrro Bike
Lisa Germano – Riding My Bike
Upsilon Acrux – Bicycle Race
Ghoti Hook – My Bike

Update: It’s been two days and reports have it that one of the drinking/bike stealing/ambulance riding enthusiasts is still in the hospital with a head injury.  Do I feel bad?  Not really.  Your opinions count — go ahead and register.  Tell me what an asshole I am.  It’s ok.  I can deal.

The translation of the phrase Cinco De Mayo is “Let’s get drunk. Early. All day. On tequila. And let’s eat burritos and steal hubcaps.” At one time in history it had some significance and the translation was a more literal “Fifth of May” but time erodes and culture corrupts and the boys of summer might as well be the sons of springs blue agave and black beans.

The holiday originally began as a day to celebrate the Mexican victory over the French Army in the Battle at Puebla in the year of our lord, 1862. There was indeed a reason to celebrate. The Mexican army at 4,000 strong was half the size of Napoleons forces. They were the Alexander Karelin to Mexico’s Rulon Gardner. It was a true upset.

A great victory and one that was worth celebrating. Who among us would like the French to be living a whole lot closer? Light crappy beer garnished with citrus fruits is what speaks to me about everything south of the Rio Grande; not wine and cheese. The last thing we need as a nation is cheese being cooked under the hot Mexican sun, with the smell slowly drifting north.

The problem is that the victory and it’s following celebration were fleeting. Though Mexico defeated Napoleon in the battle at Puebla, they lost the war 13 months later and Mexico City fell under French (booooo!) rule.

At the same time that all this was going on, America was up to its eyes in a little thing called the Civil War. The Battle at Gettysburg solidified a union victory just months after Napoleon secured Mexico. Confederate troops in Mexico were disbanded provided that they would assist the Mexican army in their attempts to repel the French. This worked and American troops were a substantial part of the victory celebration in Mexico City after the execution of the toppled monarchy. It is believed that these troops returned home with a celebration called “Cinco De Mayo.” Today this holiday has become a great excuse for people all over the world to drink tequila for a day. An entire day. And I’ll start at 10:00am. On Friday.

I’ve also decided to tag this post as “States” because Mexico, like Canada, is really just more of a state than a separate country. Thanks, NATO!

Happy independence, Mexico! What a fantastic time of year. Remember Ecclesiastes 3:4? “There’s a time to cry, a time to laugh, and a time to drink tequila.” Yup, that sounds about right.

Reverend Horton Heat – Cinco de Mayo
Liz Phair – Cinco de Mayo
Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass – Numero Cinco
Jimmy Buffet – Cinco de Mayo in Memphis
War – Cinco de Mayo
Lil Rob – Cinco de Mayo
El Vez – Cinco de Mayo

…and don’t give me any shit about the Liz Phair. Sometimes you just have to go with what’s out there. We honestly don’t need another reason to drink Tequila — usually the sun coming up or the sun going down are excuse enough — but if those aren’t good enough for your AA sponsors then point out that listening to Liz Phair while sober is much more dangerous than piloting a bus load of 3rd graders through a top-secret, underground zombie laboratory after drinking a case of Jack Daniels and shooting mikes hard lemonade directly into your veins.

Also worth noting that this is Stu and I’s first collaborative post. Anywhere up above where it says I or We or we otherwise fucked up, just ignore it and drink some more tequila. ARRIBA!

Many of you may not be aware, but May is National Bike Month. Rob and I, like many of you, are biking enthusiasts. Rob has recently acquired his 14th cruiser. I, on the other hand, am happy with my one trustworthy steed – the Fuji, circa 1960. Whatever floats your boat, from the lowrider to handlebar tassels, May is for you – Bicycle Enthusiast!

I even wrote a [bad] poem:

“May your balance be steady,
and your blood-alcohol low,
This is the proclamation,
Of the Drunk Bicycle Co.!”

Not that I’ve ever participated in these bar-close shenanigans, but if I had, I’m sure I would have broken something… a collarbone, perhaps? Good thing I keep bikes and drinking away from one another.

Pink Floyd – Bike
Queen – Bicycle Race
1-Speed Bike – Some people know how to fall off a bike and roll
Scissor Sisters – Bicycling With the Devil
Leo Kottke – Busted Bicycle

I must have ordered one too many rounds, because I fell off the stool and ended up here. It’s time for rehab. It’s time to get fit. Aurally fit. Can you hear me? What? I need to see you DRINK that beer, not just look at it. Arnold wants to see you flex those record digging arms of yours. You need to dance, player hater. You need to shout it out. Move those feet to a semi-regular beat. Can the president recognize that we’ve got the skills to pay the bills?

Hayden – Trees Lounge